stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Randomize
