Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
