now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
