Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
