Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
