she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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