"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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