I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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