I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
