I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
