If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
