That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
