I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
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Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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