So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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