the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
