...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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