could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
