if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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