walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
