nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
