Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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