What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
