the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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