So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
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It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
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I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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