STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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