Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My vagina is officially offended.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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