Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
