dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
