This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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