Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
