just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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