Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
