i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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