you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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