Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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