im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
