Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
