Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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