dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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