Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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