i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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