we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
