when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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