Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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