Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
it's like iHOP with fire
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
