we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
