What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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