dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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