i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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