broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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