i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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