Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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