Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Success! We fucked roommates!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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