I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
