fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
