then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
