see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.