i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
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the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
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I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.