Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
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was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something