Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
bring money and cleavage
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
