I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
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You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
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In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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