He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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