We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
