textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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