I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
