oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
